Since I wrote my original post about the power of asking yourself who you are, at a core, heart kind of level, I’ve had some really useful feedback and also reexamined the idea myself from a few different angles. Mostly the feedback was along the lines of how should I start to answer that, can I choose a few things, and can it be a goal? For myself, I just wanted to make sure the idea was actually practical and didn’t just add to the world’s rapidly growing confusion reserves.
To start with the last point first, yes, I still think it can be highly valuable to ask yourself who you really are but if you haven’t done it before, a few extra details would probably help, a lot. Just to be clear, I don’t think this is such a difficult question for many people to answer. It largely depends on how much you have focused in on what you truly want in your life. Personally, I still don’t have a definite answer but I’ve found the asking to be very insightful.
You might find the wording to be a little ambiguous (ok, hippie) and I’m certainly open to suggestions. This is just what I’m using with myself. I have tried a few other approaches but none of them seemed to fit very well. Asking this kind of identity type question does feel similar to something like defining a life purpose. But as I mentioned in part 1, I don’t feel this angle is so beneficial for most people.
I also considered the ideas of life mission and life work. These I think can be very useful but, at least from where I’m standing, are more advanced areas you could look at after figuring out what you actually want to spend your time on. So that’s the background. Below I’ll try to answer some of the feedback I’ve had and also give some examples of how you might apply the idea.
The gritty nitty
Basically, this whole thing is about considering, in your life, what lights you up, what makes you feel fulfilled, what people and roles are important to you? Not so much just what makes you happy but more what moves you and makes you feel satisfied at a deeper level. And once you have some idea of these points to gradually organize your time so that as much of it as possible is spent on them. Preferably 100%.
In part 1, I mentioned I was inspired to look at this when I read about the clarity one guy achieved by basically organizing his life around his identity as a writer. For him, his writing is now also his source of income, which obviously makes that easier. However, he originally had a regular job and only reached his current position after first understanding and then gradually restructuring his life around that identity.
I guess most people aspire to the same thing: being paid to do what we love. Particularly as most of us usually identify ourselves by our work, regardless of how we feel about it. Me too until I started on these posts. Writing that has just reminded me of one friend who works at a large university (PhD in history). It’s a big deal for him but I know he mostly sees it as a way to support his real passion: music. Your job need not define you.
Obviously we all also have various aspects to our lives and no one word or idea can totally define us. What those aspects are will vary widely but regardless of whether you work at home, run a major company, teach meditation or put out fires, you will probably have various family roles, social roles and so on. Anything that feels important to you and you want or need to spend your precious, limited time on it, it counts.
Other considerations
If you can form a clear image, clearly that’s awesome. You will know with some certainty what you do and don’t want in your life, at least for a while. But as I mentioned above, just thinking about this is very useful. It is helping me to remove detours and distractions from my schedule and refine things I want to keep. Other points are also becoming more solid and as I gain some perspective on them, they are illuminating further things I couldn’t even really see before.
By way of example, I am looking at parting ways with a copy writing client I have had for many years. I want to open up time to build my translation work, which should benefit me long term, and also to read, write and do things I think will improve both my happiness and satisfaction. I am quite hesitant about this. I know it will be inconvenient for my client and refusing work basically runs counter to my core programming. But I think it will help me be more me.
When many people consider our question, I think they will be tempted to create an aspirational image of themselves, to be “better” than they currently are. I think this is good to a degree, if you feel more fulfilled by your life, but you don’t need a big, bold vision the world will approve of to do that. Particularly if you are an introvert or someone who changes slowly. This is very much a question of what you value yourself.
Just a couple of final ideas. First, whatever you decide, or don’t decide, it won’t be your last thought ever on this subject. The answer will change over time as things become clearer or your circumstances alter. So hold off on getting that tattoo. Also, this is not about figuring out how to pack all the good stuff possible into your life. As I’ve discovered, we really do have so little time, and must often make difficult choices between things that seem equally awesome.
Choosing these things is the next step after pondering this question of who we really are. From what I can see, we only get to select five or so areas to focus on. So for me, with my current job situation, that might be writing, reading, health, exercise, Japanese study, personal relationships, meditation… dang, that’s already seven…
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