A couple of days ago, I was reading a blog post in which the author described how he chose the tasks that were most important for him to focus on each day. His core guideline for this was to prioritize the activities that had the most positive impact on his life “as a writer.” It probably seems like a simple thing but I was really struck by this, by the way he had managed to encapsulate so much into this short phrase.
I mean I know very well that this guy is a successful blogger and publisher and that he was writing about productive tasks. He has also written elsewhere about his various other roles as a husband and father and so on. And I also know that for many years he was stuck in a job he didn’t totally love before he managed to sort his life and make writing his main focus.
All the same, I was impressed by the level of clarity he had achieved and the simplicity this must bring to a lot of his decision making. This core identity was his true North whenever he was trying to figure out his direction. Since then, as you might expect, I’ve also been asking myself, so, who are you really, dude? Right down there in the middle. But, as you also might expect, I haven’t really found a solid answer.
Why it matters
Despite not being able to come up with a clear image, just thinking about this has been extremely revelatory. It is probably the fundamental point at the heart of a wider process I’ve been going through recently of trying to understand what I really want in my life. Our time is so limited and if we want to lead happier, more fulfilled lives, we need to spend as much of it as possible on the good stuff.
That might sound super-obvious but ask yourself how much of what you do each day actually makes you happy. How much of it will make tomorrow better than yesterday? I’m still in the early stages of this so I don’t have so many insights to share. But I think questions like those above are a good place to start. It’s also important to realize it will take time for the answers to emerge and even longer to reflect them in your life.
This part reminds me of an acquaintance from when I was living in Japan. Exchanging business cards or meishi is a big deal for Japanese, even in their private lives, and a few foreigners share in the joy by creating their own unique cards. This particular person had a meishi that listed her occupation as “gaijin” or, basically, non-Japanese or foreigner.
Essentially, she was saying she was like many gaijin in Japan, teaching a little English, studying a little Japanese, learning a little local culture, etc. And that there were enough of us doing pretty much the same things for gaijin to count as a job description. And that mostly she was doing these things because she wasn’t sure what else to do. Which may be how most of us live our lives. Well, personally speaking, anyway.
Where I’m at
When I ask myself who I am, I would also like to be able to answer that I am a writer. I think. In my work life, I am a copy editor and translator and outside of that, I spend a lot of time doing things related to this blog. When the words are flowing, I really like it but other times, it can really mess with your (in)sanity. Either way, I think you need to plant a stake in the sand and start somewhere so I’m going with that for now.
I don’t see writing as my “purpose” though. Over the last few years, there has been a lot of talk in the blogosphere about finding your life purpose. Mostly in the context of locating the unique qualities and motivations inside each person that will allow us to go out and change the world for the better. That sounds awesome but I’m not sure it works this way for the majority of us, and you can be left feeling kind of insufficient if it doesn’t.
The helping others part is valuable, I feel, but we can do plenty of good in our own families or local communities without reinventing ourselves as people. And this seems to be something you could make a start on by trying to answer the question of who am I and then gradually aligning what you do around your response. Particularly if you are someone who changes slowly, like me.
One final thing I would like to add is that whatever your answer, or even if you have no answer, it’s all fine. You are already enough as you are. This is an idea I picked up from my meditation learning recently. I’m still working with it so I’m afraid I can’t really explain as yet but it is helping a lot. If you do a Web search for self-acceptance or radical self-acceptance, you will find plenty of information from people who are better qualified.
Post script
I’ve since written a follow-up to this post: More Thoughts on Who You Really Are.
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